


you're worth fighting for

by fulltimeintrnthomo



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012, Alcohol, Depression, Gen, M/M, Outing, Suicide Attempt Mention, bi phil, eating disorder mention, self harm mention, this gets angsty fast just warning y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 06:49:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15552039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fulltimeintrnthomo/pseuds/fulltimeintrnthomo
Summary: it’s 2012 and dan doesn’t want to talk to phil





	you're worth fighting for

**_2012-07-05_ **

**_3AM_ **

_Dan_ : THE SUPER HOT BAETENDER WHO LOOKW LIKE RYAN GODLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESN’T EFEN WALK. HE GLOCES. LIKE AN ANGEL 

 _Phil_ : …

 _Phil_ : Are you drunk?

 _Dan_ : no im not why do you ask 

 _Phil_ : The sheer amount of typos and you wouldn't text me that if you were sober

 _Dan_ : … 

 _Dan_ : m

 _Dan_ : maybe a litgle

 _Dan_ : but not much

 _Dan_ : wan tme to tell you a secret so er fan foesnt want yout okno w

 _Dan_ : im still in love with hou

* * *

 

**_2012-07-05_ **

**_1PM_ **

_Dan_ : sober dan did not consent to drunk dan giving out his secrets

 _Dan_ : i'm sorry. just forget everything drunk dan texted you last night

 _Phil_ : Yeah. Yeah. Of course

 _Dan_ : thx :)

 _Phil_ :  ~~Was sober you too~~

 _Phil_ :  ~~Are you scared to~~

 _Phil_ :  ~~We need t~~

 _Phil_ : np xD

* * *

 

**_2012-09-16_ **

**_2AM_ **

_Phil_ : We really need to talk

 _Phil_ : Like have a 3 hour conversation talk

 _Phil_ : Text me when you're ready and I'll be waiting in the lounge

* * *

 

**_2012-09-16_ **

**_1PM_ **

_Dan_ : okay im ready to talk

Dan set his phone on the couch and sighed, sinking further into the crease. He really didn't want to talk to Phil, but he knew he had to.

Phil quickly appeared with PJ—who Dan guessed was the neutral third party. Phil looked tired, like all the sleep had been knocked out of him. _Had Dan done this?_  As if reading his mind, Phil replied, "I'm fine. Let's talk." He sat on the couch as well, sulking.

"Why did you get that angry when his video gift to you was unprivated?" PJ asked Dan.

Dan laughed bitterly. "Isn't it obvious? I'm not gay." Phil gave him that look, that look that was meant to break him, and  _goddammit_ why was he playing so dirty? Dan blurted, "I'm not ready to be out to the internet."

PJ sighed. "How did it make you feel when that video got unprivated?"

Dan frowned and looked at the floor. "Hurt. Angry. Sad."

"Three emotions you definitely made me feel all of this year because of a glitch. YouTube broke, as it does, and unprivated that video. I meant for it to be private, and as soon as I realized it became public, I took it down. Like full on deleted it. You can check the channel. It's not there," Phil butted in.

"And why should I believe it was a glitch?" Dan asked.

"Because I wouldn't lie about this."

PJ knew what Phil was about to say and said, "Phil, you don't have to tell him any of this if you don't want to."

Phil looked at PJ. "I want to." He took a deep breath. "I don't think I ever told you this, but when I was thirteen, I was outed as bisexual to my school. They all turned on me—even my friends—and started to call me the f-slur and push me around. After my best friend—the one who stuck by me through this—killed himself, everyone started saying I should, too. I ended up in hospital for suicide attempts 14 times in two months. I know what it's like to be outed. I know how painful it can be. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I wouldn't do that to you."

Dan narrowed his eyes. "And how do I know you're not lying?"

Phil teared up. "Goddammit Dan! I can show you the rope burn from when I tried to hang myself. The scars from when I cut every fucking night because I wasn't accepted anywhere. I can show you my worn-down knuckles because I forced food up my throat regularly. I can show you my fucking suicide notes! I still have them. I can show you my release papers from the McGuinness Unit. I can show you my running prescription for Prozac which I've had since I was seventeen. I can show you my journal where it became a game to come up with the most creative way to kill myself without my family noticing and taking me to hospital because I really wanted to be dead. I'm not fucking lying about any of this. I  _wouldn't_ lie about any of this, and if you think for a second that I would, then you don't really know me at all, do you?"

By the end, Dan had tears rolling down his cheeks. "Oh God. I am so sorry, Phil. I didn't know you had gone through any of that."

"Okay. Do you think this situation could've be improved with a little communication?" PJ asked. Dan and Phil nodded.

Dan hugged Phil and held him tight. "I'm so fucking sorry I hurt you. I won't let that happen again. I shouldn't have gotten so angry at you because of a glitch. I should've trusted you when you said it was a glitch. I should've just talked to you. I love you."

Phil sobbed into Dan's shoulder. "I love you, too. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even put it up in the first place, even if it was private. I should've just uploaded it on some other website and sent you the link from there. I should've talked to you as well." 

Dan leaned back from the hug for a moment and kissed Phil's forehead. "I know that love won't fix mental illness, but I'm here for you. I'm sorry if it ever seemed any different. You’re worth fighting for.”


End file.
